Trough college, I've met a lot of hot guys. The problem is that even if my gaydar, and in general, common sense told me they were possibly gay, I never made a move...which was probably the best, taking into account I plan to be in the closet for a while.
One of those guys is Luis. He's 21, tanned, an kind of athletic. We took Phisics together, and since we didn't do well on that area, we always tried to help each other understanding what the teacher said (and always failed), although we didn't really became friends or anything. My gaydar always told me he ws problably gay...not that he was too obvious or anything, but there were just a lot of small things here and there...anyway, I never really paid too much atention to it, and I just thought he was a nice guy and that was it.
But one day, I was checking a friend's myspace, and since I had nothing else to do, I started browsing through the gay profiles. I didn't want to meet anyone, I just wanted to see if my gaydar worked and one of the guys in the "College's hot list" was between one of the profiles. At first i didn't recognized anyone, but I was looking at a profile, and It turned out Luis was listed as one of the guy's friends. I checked Luis' profile, and that guy had written a message like "I remember the first time we met..." I just started laughing, because I realized several things:
1. My gaydar works
2. A guy I liked (not too much, but...) was finally "available". This was the first time that I could actually hit on a guy, safely (I wasn't going to get punched or anything). There was the possibility of getting something.
After that, I realized I'm the clumsiest guy ever.Instead of and bringing out the subject in a very casual way, I just sat next to him, withouth saying a word, like a nervious 13 year-old girl. I mean I've flirted with girls a lot, I still do it, and I have no problem at it...but the idea of flirting with a guy just sounded SO cheesy...(so cheesy, I actually had to try really hard not to laugh in the middle of the classroom, just because of the awkwardness of the situation).
One of the things that makes getting out of the closet so boring is that it'll be like high school again, but with guys...I mean, what do you do, you call the day after the date? Does one of us have to open the door? Who pays for dinner? I'm so clumsy that at this point I don't know if I'm staying in the closet because I'm afraid of people's reaction, or just to avoid a lot of embarrassment...