Sunday, February 24, 2008

How to act straight after 6 bottles of Tequila

There was a party held by people from work. The organizers were a bunch of 20-somethings that at some point worked at the bank, and their parties are known for being a booze fest where only a few can say they didn't woke up the day after with a huge hangover (and lots of regrets). When I was invited, I was a little doubful about attending, for several reasons:
I get really..uhm..."festive" when I drink. And by festive, I mean loud, intense, and sometimes obnoxious. And since everybody there were going to be people I'd have to see next monday at the office, I didn't want to be vulnerable of doing something embarrassing.

I'm also very..."flirty" when I drink. And by flirty, I mean I look at people I feel attracted to like a lion watches its prey right before going after it. And, being in a room full of straight bankers, having that attitude probably wouldn't be a good idea.

Eventually, I told myself not to be such a girl, and decided to go. I mean, being afraid of acting stupid or gay (or both) wasn't a good reason for me to avoid having fun and meeting new people.

I arrived early, so I had the chance to talk to some of the poeple I already knew, who then introduced me to most of the people who showed up later. The first hour was just us talking about work, life, etc. Small talk. Then we all had some fajitas (It was a mexican themed party). Then, the heavy part of the party started. There were about 25 people, and as far as I know, 6 bottles of Tequila and 2 of Aguardiente were consumed during the party. I didn't get drunk until I realized I had drunk more Tequila shots than I can remember, which was way after most people did (I still have a little hangover, which was why I couldn't even smell alcohol at a friend's birthday party last night).

In the end, It was great. I did have some embarrassing moments (there was some singing, some flirting with a guy and then with a girl , and some african-colombian music dancing I regret) but overall, it was nice. Photos of the party still haven't been posted on Facebook, so I don't know how things will look on those...I hope nobody took a picture at the wrong time and make me look like a total drunk...I don't photograph well :-)

What pisses me off is getting nervious every time I have to face a large group of people, being afraid of people telling I'm gay just because the way I talk, or the way I move my hands, or any other thing...which only makes me act like a total social inept. I guess that's what's important about taking an internship, not only practicing what I've learnt at college, but also facing the work environment, and everything it implies...including, maybe, my fear to homophobia.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

I think I'm having a middle age crisis...20 years too soon.

This week I've felt kinda weird. Like the fact that I'm making money and practicing what I've learnt at college (well, not really) doesn't matter to me. I'm feeling an uncomfortable emptyness in my being...

There has been a really important meeting out of town for all the "big kahunas" from the company I work at, which means there are no bosses around these days. Imagine a kindergarden without any teachers's been kinda crazy. We play loud music, play Wii all day (I've kick ass at Wii Sports hahaha), take 2+ hours for lunch, play jokes on each other...If we could only had access to Facebook, and we didn't have to wear a suit (nobody's telling us to wear it, but you know, we're supposed to act like adults, even when our bosses aren't around), it would be heaven.

The sad thing is that this couple of days have been by far the most exciting I've had in the two months of my internship. I'm starting to feel a little bored at work. All I do is taking a huge database, and getting all kinds of information from it. I know that it's just the beggining, and that as you get more responsability, it gets more interesting...but do I really want that?

My interest in filmmaking has increased dramatically in the last weeks, which I hate...I just wished I could feel safely atteched to one thing, instead of wondering eternally what do I want to do with my life. Roght now, all I have in my mind is joining an Exchange program and going to Canada or Australia (I really wished I could go to the U.K. or the U.S., but they're much more expensive...I hate you american and brittish guys) for at least a semester, before I graduate from College. I'm dying to know how college life is in another country (I already know how it is to be a waiter at a restaurant in a random US city, thanks to the Work and Travel programs I have done... now I want something more complex and less frustrating). Some information from fellow readers would be greatly appreciated.

Oh, and for the first time in my life, I'm starting to feel like I want to be in a long term realtionship. Just to know what it feels like.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Booze, Rock Music and an Old Crush

Last night I went out with my friends from High School. Our initial plan was going to Socorro!!!, an indie rock bar we like a lot. But we decided we'd better have some cheap drinks before. So we went to a crappy liquor store, bought rum and wine, to remember old times (When we were in high school, our favoite plan was buying cheap red wine, and drink it at a park two blocks away from our school). At 11pm, we headed to Socorro!!!. We were really wasted.

After walking about 25 blocks and being stopped by cops (Luckily we weren't carrying any alcohol bottles with us, or we would've spent the rest of the night at a police station), we got to the bar. We bought some more booze (I can't really remember what we bought...I think it was rum), which rose our drunkenness to a higher level. Luckily, I didn't get drunk enough to do embarrasing things...I just flirted with one of the female dj's, and then shamelessly undressed with my eyes at one of my coworkers who was at the bar (I'm afraid tomorrow when I see him at work, he'll look at me like "That drunk gay guy who was harrassing me all night").

One of my friends called some girl he's hitting on, and she told him to go to a bar two blocks away. When we got there, the place was so crowded they weren't letting anyone go inside. As we waited in line, one of my friends told me: "Hey, isn't that the girl you had a huge crush on at High School?".

That Girl and I were really good friends at High School. I initially met her because I was hitting on a friend of hers, but we became friends. That was, until I realized I was in love with her. Then I started to act all weird, because I knew it wasn't mutual, so I didn't want her to the end of senior year we grew apart, and after we graduated, we didn't speak again. I must admit the only time I've been in love has been with That Girl. But she was also a very good friend of mine, so it hurted me that I lost her for being such an idiot.

We waited in line about 10 minutes, until we got in. She was kind of trying to avoid meeting me, but I didn't care. We started talking about our lifes, what has happened to us in the last 4 years, etc. At some point, she asked me if I had been in love with her. I didn't know what to say, so i just told her everything...that I really wanted to be with her back then, but that I knew how she felt about me, and that back then, I had acted like a jerk because I didn't want to be vulnerable (Good thing I was drunk otherwise I wouldn't have been able to stand that conversation).

I also told her I missed her, that I had started dating guys a couple of years ago, and a lot of other things.

After an hour, my friends and I decided to go home. That Girl and I made the promess to keep talking regularly, at least on MSN. I doubt we'll keep that promess....last night I realized we have changed a lot since we graduated, and after so much time, I don't think we'll ever be as close as we used to be. She gave me her cell phone number, and I left.

We stayed on the sidewalk for a while (One of my friends wasn't feeling so good). I called Gay Sensei, and told him about my conversation with That Girl (He's kind of a Night Owl, so I know it's OK to call him at 4am to ask for some life advice). As I was talking to him, I realized that by telling her everything, I felt kind of ashamed, but it was also very therapeutical. I was able to close that chapter of my life, and moving on. Plus, maybe we'll be friends again, right?

Pd: I have such a hangover right now, that while I was writing this post, there was an earthquake (not a strong one though), and I didn't felt it!! Which is great, because earthquakes are probably the only thing that paralizes me out of fear...alcohol is awsome: not only it helps you to openly express your feelings, but it also helps you to hide all the negative things in life, like earthquakes! (OMG I'm turning into an alcoholic...)

Monday, February 11, 2008

A tragic Loss

A very special part of my life is gone. When I got home from work, my mother's sad face told me something bad had happened. I imagined a lot of things, but I couldn't have possibly imagined wht it was. After she told me, I didn't say anything. I couldn't be mad, or angry. I was in shock. How is it possible that such an important part of your life, can just dissapear without a chance of ever seeing it again?

I spent Summer '06, working at an Amusement Park. I didn't make much money, so I tried to save as much as I could. But one day, my friends and I decided to give ourselves a little treat and going shopping. At some point, I went into a Calvin Klein store. And that's when I saw what would change my live forever: A black v-neck merino wool sweater.

Yes, I'm making such a big deal over a sweater. So what? I loved that damn thing. You have no idea how hard it is for me to find clothes that fit me: I'm 5'4'', which for american standards, means I'm the size of a 14 year old (in Colombia it's pretty much the same thing too). But that sweater was just perfect on me. It was fitted to my body, and sleeves and chest weren't long. I loved it so much, that even though it wasn't an expensive garment or anything, my mom used to take it to the dry cleaner's, so it was taken care of properly. Except this morning, when my mom took it out of there, it never made it home. My mom's guess is that she dropped it while she was doing some other errands...we'll never really know.

Now I have to look for a replacement. Finding the exact same one is impossible here, since I don't know any store that sells Calvin Klein clothes in Colombia. I've tried Ralph Lauren, but they only have these really thick wool sewaters that look huge on me...

I don't know if my life will be the same again. I know it's ridiculous and pathetic to get so attached to meaningless objects (Three years ago, I lost my cell phone, and I put up a search group to look for it through the entire University Campus), but I only want the soft feeling of merino wool in my skin more time (No, seriously! I need to find a replacement badly!)

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Good Night Kissing

This weekend was definitely one of the weirdest, funniest, and most exhausting ones I've ever had. I didn't really do much on friday night, because I felt too tired from work. But saturday was waaay different...

Yesterday was my father's birthday, but we celebrated it with a lunch on saturday, so all the family could be there. I only ate a small bowl of cereal for breakfast at 8am, so when the beer and wine started to be served at lunch, my stomach was pretty much empty. Needless to say, by 3pm, I was a little drunk. And by 4pm, I was veeery drunk.

We left the restaurant at 5pm and went home, so I was able to take a small break before going to antoher birthday party: Gay Sensei's. He said it would be the perfect opportunity for him to introduce me to his friends (I had mentioned him how I didn't know a lot of gay people), having some cake, and then going to a nightclub. I arrived at his place at 7pm, he invited me to come in and told "only one of my friends has already arrived...let me introduce him to you" We went into his bedroom, and there was his friend. The moment I saw him, I was completely paralized.

The night before, Gay Sensei told me that a neighbor friend of his was going to give him a small violin concert as a birthday gift. When he told me that, I remembered that when I was in High school, there was this guy in our class, Cam, who everybody (including me) bullied because he was really femenine, and he played the violin (not the best instrument to affirm your heterosexuality). I felt tempted to ask him if that violinist happened to be Cam...but I thought the world can't be THAT small, right?
(End of Parenthesis)

Well, it was Cam. I tried to act like I wasn't surprised at all, so I just said "Hi", like it wasn't a big deal. But on the inside, all I could think was OMFG!!!!. He was clearly surprised, and started to make all kinds of questions I tried to avoid politely, as Gay Sensei's friends started to arrive. I'm usually shy when introduced to friends' friends, but they were great. They're all like a big gay family, making fun of each other, telling jokes, it was amazing.

We had some birthday cake, drank some wine and some vodka, and then headed to Lottus, whcih is probably the biggest gay nightclub in Bogota (entrance is restricted for women, unlike toher places). We got there like at 11:30pm, and went straight to the dance floor. It was really my first night in a gay club in Bogota, so it was a special night...I had told Gay Sensei I just wanted to get really wasted, and having a lot of fun, so we wasted no time, and started drinking as much as we could.
At first I was very inhibited, but Gay Sensei's friends just included me and Cam in their group (Cam hadn't met any of them eaither, although he has a LOT more experience in gay clubbing than I do). As we drank more, and music was more festive, the wildest they got. At first, they liked to make a circle and push someone into the center, and then start fondling him (nothing really sexual, it was just for fun). Later, they started to dance very closely to each other.

At some point, (when we were very drunk) I mentioned how shocked I was the first time I went into a gay nightclub in the US, because the first thing I saw was a group of like 5 shirtless guys making out together. One of them said it was inpossible to make out comfortably with more than 2 people, and that was when it all started. Suddenly, they (6 guys) were making out in the middle of the dance floor. I was shocked, but they pulled me into it. Out of that group, I liked 2 of them, so I tried to concentrate my attention to them. Also, I tried to avoid kissing Cam, who had been pulled into the group too. After several songs making out in a group, we split and started making out in groups of 2 or 3. There was this guy, the one I like the most, who grabbed me and pushed me against the wall, and we made out for like 5 minutes, until I had to stop because I was laughing so much (again, it wasn't anything sexual, just a thing of the moment). Then, Gay Sensei felt it was his turn and stood very close to me, but I said it was enough kissing for the night. But then he whispered in my ear "C'mon, It's my bitrhday...and I really like you". I was shocked by his statement. But then, I was also drunk, so... I gave up, and made out with him for a while. He's a good kisser, but that's it...I'm not really atracted to him.

After we finally got tired of that making out session, we went to the dance floor for a while, and then left the place like at 4am. Cam, Gay Sensei and I started walking, and talking about random stuff. I was lucky I wasn't so drunk anymore, so I didn't start disclosing details of my personal life as much as Cam did. He has uhmm... a very high mileage, I'd say. We got at Sensei's, Cam said goodbye, and I called a cab. I got home at 6am, and then woke up at 11am with a mild hangover to go to Tae Box class at the Gym. I could barely concentrate on the moves, just thinking of everything that had happened just hours before.
It's funny how I was so shocked about what happened on saturday, I mean...I've done wilder stuff than making out with a guy (well I hadn't done it with 6), but I just hadn't done anything like that in Bogota, where there are some many people I know. When I hung out in NYC, for example, there was a sense of anonimity I liked...but here, I don't's like starting to discover everything for the first time all over again.