The First Post - A little bit about me

Right know, I should be catching up with all the things I have to do for the next week (and the week after that, etc). But right now I feel so tired and so stressed about everything that's going on in my life, that the only thing I want to do, is writing. I'm going to start talking about me.

I'm 19 years old, I'm from Colombia, I'm a closeted gay guy and I've been going to college for about three years. The thing is, since the very first day, I haven't felt absolutely certain about me studying to become an engineer. You see, there was a moment, on my last year of high school, when I could choose what to major in, and the two strongest choices were so different from each other, that there just wasn't an obvious choice. Those options were engineering and film making. In the end, I chose the first ones for two basic reasons: the first one, is that if it's already hard to succeed as a filmmaker in the US, it's almost impossible to do so in Colombia.

The second reason is actually really stupid, now that I think about it: you know that when you're growing up, every time you're in a family reunion (Xmas, New Year's eve, or every holiday you can think of) relatives always have a kind of pre-established dialogue: "Oh, I can't believe how tall are you know, you are almost taller than me", or "I bet must drive all the girls at school crazy with those eyes you have" , and of course, the usual question: "So, what do you want to be when you grow up?" Now, my family is an average colombian family: not too tall, catholic and very conservative. So if I had answered something like "actor" or "movie director" I would have caused some harsh reactions among my drunken relatives. So I got used to say "chief of a big company", just because it was something they could be proud of (and to be honest, something I could be proud of too, being powerful and bossy are things that I can definitely relate to). So when I got to choose a career, I stuck to my usual response, just because I felt that was what everybody, including myself, were expecting.

So I got in to college to study Industrial Engineering. Something relatively easy, as I heard to some people, so I should have had no problem on having good grades and everything. The problem is, those people never warned me (not that they had to, since it's a matter of common sense) I had to have at least a little bit of skills with numbers. And that's one thing I don't have ( 2+2=4 is an result that many times I take hours to understand). So basically, Ive' survived these three years hanging on to my analysis capability, more than to my hability of handling number operations. That's the reason why I started to think maybe, just maybe, I made a bad career choice.

Plus, the ghost of movies has always been floating over my head like a black cloud. The problem is I have never known how strong my passion for movies is. I know I'd watch Cinemax rather than studying for Statistics (which is what I should be doing right now), and I know that everytime I turn on my handicam I never want to stop recording, but are movies just a hobbie, or do I really want to put everything in risk for what might be my true calling? And even if I do want to do that for the rest of my life, Am I even talented?

Well, those are only some of the many important questions which I have been too afraid, too shy or even too lazy to answer (like the whole gay thing, which I'm sure will have many posts dedicated to it). Ok, that was a little bit about myself. Hope you enjoyed it.

Most listened songs this week:
Bad day, Daniel Powter
Mas que Nada, Sergio Mendes feat. Black Eyed Peas (I love Bossa Nova)
For the Widows in Paradise, For The Fatherless In Ypsilanti, Sufjan Stevens
Is It any wonder?, Keane
Viernes 3AM, Seru Giran